What isn’t important to you?

Importance.

What wasn’t the reason you became involved in the arts?

For the chicks mainly.

You’re the producer of Doku Rai, which was created by a gathering of artists stranded to live and work on a remote island off Timor-Leste. What wasn’t that experience like?

I was the producer so it mostly wasn’t like cleaning coconuts out of wells so that quack actors could treat the septic foot wounds of the Gambian UN Police who would come up of an evening for a couple of brews. Oh, that’s exactly what it was like.

How wouldn’t you describe Doku Rai?

As a perfect first date outing. Although you will probably end up fucking like hounds in some rotten alleyway afterwards.

At the end of every anti-interview, we have a standard hypothetical question – which you should be better qualified to answer than most. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, what wouldn’t you bring and why not?

Dessert. I always spell these two things the wrong way and the idea of being marooned with a pile of custard just berating myself for my atrocious grammar is not a pleasant one.

Don’t send your hostage out to get cigarettes

There were plenty of attempts to overthrow Brutal Haitian dictator Papa Doc, but the very first was perhaps the most brazen. On June 28, 1958, less than one year after the Haiti Elections placed Papa Doc in power, eight men landed on the shore of Haiti with a plan to stage a revolution.

Three ex-deputy sheriffs from Miami, Florida and Buffalo, New York, joined by mercenaries and former mulatto officers landed near Montrouis. As they were unloading their weapons, a local policeman arrived, who the revolutionaries promptly shot and stole the jeep of.

On their way to the the Haitian capital Port Au Prince, the jeep broke down, and the group hijacked a taxi bus, which they used to storm a major barracks and disarm the soldiers inside before the military became aware of their presence. When Papa Doc heard a revolution was underway – but was unaware it was only eight people – he prepared to flee the country via the Colombian embassy.

Unfortunately, the rebels unwisely sent a officer who was being held hostage out to buy cigarettes, who proceeded to tell the authorities how few people they were up against. Papa Doc ordered his soldiers to attack the barracks and all eight men were killed.

Don’t enlist the help of government sympathizers

In an event that sounds like something from some corporate dystopian novel, in 1933 wealthy businessmen attempted to take over the United States and replace the government of President Franklin D. Roosevelt with a fascist regime. Why? FDR was rolling out the New Deal, a program designed in reaction to the Great Depression that would redistribute wealth to the American working class, thereby threatening the livelihood of the elite.

To help lead their revolution, the conspirators looked to decorated war hero General Smedley Butler to rally the WWI veterans to help the regime change, but they seemed to forget to ensure that he was a supporter of their cause.

Butler however found the whole idea horrifying and immediately reported the plot to the authorities. Due to the massive wealth and power of the businessmen involved however, no one was ever prosecuted.

Don’t tell your friends

In 1959, Fidel Castro and Roberto Arias devised a plan to overthrow the Panamanian government. Naturally enough, Arias told his wife, world famous ballerina Margot Fonteyn, all about his plan, and she in turn gossiped to all her friends about it. She explained how they would use her yacht to transport soldiers and guns or to decoy government boats away from the operation.

Unfortunately for Margot and the revolution, one of the friends she told was British Foreign Office minister John Profumo. He in turn passed on the information to UK officials, and shortly thereafter the entire uprising plan spontaneously collapsed. Oops.

What don’t you read?

It’s nice to pick up a book that isn’t smothered with critical acclaim—quotes, etc. Critique has become industrial. Books are read for you, you need only agree with what’s said about them. It’s a shame. But my book rules!

Before you branched into writing, you were a part of Adelaide band Explosive Abortion. How wouldn’t you describe the music you guys made?

Efficient.

Why didn’t you continue with music?

There’s always music in my head. It’s probably best that I can’t hear it. Why ruin it?

You get around in a wheelchair. What don’t most people realise about life on wheels?

A lot of people assume my name is ‘Matey’, or that people in wheelchairs prefer to be called ‘Matey’. I for one have very little sea-faring/nautical experience.

Your debut novel the Meaning of Manuel has just been released. What wasn’t writing a book like?

It wasn’t normal in any sense of the word I’ve considered previously. I had to accept failure; I had to be open to failure. The first draft of the book was all about failure. It really is something to work regardless of ‘success’; to say, ‘I’m just going to do this and see what happens’. It was important for me to admit defeat, potential or otherwise, and just get on with writing.

What about the process of getting published for the first time – how wouldn’t you describe that?

It ain’t thorough, that’s for sure. You make it up as you go along. Self-publishing was really the only option. The Meaning of Manuel is experimental in form—though it’s not a form I’ve invented. It has very little commercial potential, at least at this point. A book must be ‘agreed’ upon before it gains real commodity value. That’s they way it goes. Somebody in the right place, where ever that is, has to accept it, give it an angle, a point of view or a meaning. Until then, take my word for it— my book rules!

To finish, could you give us an anti-blurb of the Meaning of Manuel?

Six people who understand each other completely and certifiably, without recourse to philosophy, art or humour, meet a seventh, who is utterly beyond scrutiny and not symbolic of anything.

Thanks to Ben for participating – to keep up with all things Ben and buy his book go here 

I wouldn’t describe myself as dynamic, interesting, exciting, gregarious, funny, clever, talented, dog lover… what’s the opposite of sarcastic?

What a dumb-arse question. Its WINE! What’s not to be interesting? Ok, Ok… I didn’t become interested in wine for the money, the fame, the fun, the travel opportunities.. although a couple of these have come to pass…

Serious, insular, preaching, narrow –  as I say in reply to the question below – there is more to wine than just some alcoholic liquid in a bottle. This is exactly what Spittoon is all about. Started in 2004 it and its siblings has morphed into showcasing my exploration of the whole wine sphere. Yes there are tasting notes, yes there are food pairing ideas and restaurant reviews and all the other ‘normal’ wine blog stuff but increasingly there is a wider exploration of ‘wine’ – travel, (wine tourism is a growing area), art (take a look at the amazing video posted recently, sent to me from Italy). The internet is such a visual medium… and explains perhaps my growing obsession with photography. Over the years my perception and enjoyment of wine, of food, of other cultures has increased amazingly and spawned enjoyment in travel (love a train trip, me), in cooking  (well I try) and good food (whether Michelin starred or homely, country fare) in addition to photography. I’d love to feature more work from other ‘artists’ and content creators…

In the UK you can source pretty much any wine from any region – up to a point. Many of those ‘cult’ Californian wines never make it over here (and if they do they are stupidly expensive) and the more interesting, smaller producers from Australia and New Zealand, are not seen much either. But even wines from such unlikely wine producing countries as Turkey (was there in late 2012) with hard-to-pronounce but unique grape varieties and China (quality issues aside) can be found in the UK. This is what makes the subject so exciting; there is always something new to discover, a new destination to explore, a new producer to revel in, a new grape variety to experience, a fresh taste sensation, a new food/wine pairing to enjoy and so on. There is more to wine than just some alcoholic liquid in a bottle.

Here is where the snobbery can rear its tentacles… much is slated about the mass produced, the big brands, the ‘industrial’ sized production of wine, especially from Chile, Australia and America. These products are slated as being the very epitome of bad wine…. OK, so once you get ‘into’ wine you will come to appreciate more subtly than these wines offer and revel in finding and supporting smaller producers, and find that these wines are indeed lacking in interest, are over sweet and so on. But it is these very same wines, the approachable, the affordable and the easily accessible that first get people interested in the subject. And they do have their place. And sell in vast numbers because people enjoy them! A bottle of Aussie big brand red graced my table recently and washed down a pulled pork sandwich dripping in barbeque sauce very nicely…

I don’t advocate drinking wine under water. I mean, all that salty infill will simply ruin the flavour. If you are at home and drinking wine underwater then I surmise that you are probably drowning in the bath… drinking wine, in fact drinking anything, while on a bouncy castle probably isn’t such a good idea either. And drinking bubbly out of those coupe glasses seems downright daft to me (Marie Antoinette must have had very strange boobs…)

And I don’t advocate drinking on your own… well not more than a glass or two… for wine should be shared with friends; old friends especially but it does cement new friendships beautifully. Not that I am advocating jumping out the front door and kidnapping the first dog-walker that ambles past… but I’ve met some fun, interesting and fabulous people over a bottle (some were even American… and owned dogs!). Met some idiots, pompous arses and twats too mind…

I’ll tell you what I don’t like. I really don’t like the connotation that if you enjoy wine – and perhaps even know a little about it – that you are a snob. Why is there also so much ‘seriousness’ about wine? I blame the French… wine should be fun! I also dislike the majority of the dross served as wine in most UK pubs (which explains why, unless it’s a wine bar, I drink beer in the pub…)

I wouldn’t bring a dog – smelly, yappy, horrid things. A jar of everlasting peanut butter wouldn’t be high on my list either (quite possibly the most hideous, mouth-clagging, food stuff ever invented after squirty cream) and I wouldn’t relish handling a double baby buggy across the sand dunes either… not occupied anyway… babies – smelly, yappy, horrid things…

Many thanks to Andrew for participating in our anti-interview. Enjoy more of his insights at Spittoon 

- Winston Churchill 

Antiview is not dead – we’ve just taken a holiday. Back February 1 with more anti-happenings.

I am not a psychologist or a marriage and family therapist.

I do not have orgies on the weekends (although I’m not opposed to the idea!).

I’m not ungrounded or “woo-woo,” although I do take a holistic approach to my work.

I am not a man-hater, although I identify with feminism, and I do not take sides in my counseling work.

I do not make people feel bad about being sexual under their own terms and
by their own definitions.

There are a lot of assumptions about my kind of work, so it’s fun to be able to articulate,
off the bat, what I am not!

How doesn’t someone become a sex expert?

By being judgmental and close-minded. By taking a fear-based approach to sex. By thinking sex is dirty, wrong, and something to be controlled.

Someone does not become a sex expert by imposing their version of sex on others.

And you don’t become a sex expert by not challenging yourself to understand the complexity and beauty of human sexuality.

You got your start in the sex and relationship field 19 years ago as a sexual health peer educator at Lehigh University in Pennsylvania. What didn’t you know about sex therapy back then that you know now?

I didn’t know pretty much anything that I know now! I was a good girl with little experience of life, relationships, sex, or the world.

I definitely didn’t have an understanding of my own body and pleasure, or how to understand, honor, and transform uncomfortable emotions (e.g., hurt, jealousy, fear).

I didn’t know how to respect the differences between women and men, nor did I grasp how deeply complex sex and sexuality are.

The most profound changes since then have all been personal, which serves as the foundation of my honoring, understanding, and appreciating the people who show up in my office to work though their concerns.

Since then you’ve made a name for yourself as an authority on sexuality and contribute to a number of different media outlets, as well as running your own blog and video show. How wouldn’t you describe your podcast In the Den with Dr Jenn?

In the Den with Dr. Jenn is not reverent, boring, or serious (although we do cover serious topics at times).

I like to be silly and wear costumes and laugh, while teaching, learning, and talking about sex topics. It’s “sexy” in topic but not “sexy” in presentation.

That’s the feminist in me that wants to keep that separation. I’m struggling to say what
it’s not otherwise, because it’s designed to be its own unique entity and not like anything else, so I don’t even know what to compare it to.

Well, one unfortunate thing that I can say that it’s not, is a big hit, with a lot of followers! We
had a large following years ago when we started, but took two years off from filming and lost all our momentum.

How shouldn’t couples approach intimacy?

If you want to blame you partner for something, that is not a good place from which to approach intimacy. Your partner will likely be defensive and the conversation will deteriorate.

Don’t assume that your partner wants and needs intimacy in the same way that you do, and don’t take it personally that they are different.

Not talking about intimacy concerns never makes them better, so even when it’s uncomfortable, awkward, or scary, clearly stating your needs and making gentle requests is an important starting point.

Couples also shouldn’t approach intimacy without reflecting on their beliefs and upbringing around sex, vulnerability, needs, desires, communication, and knowledge. We all have a lot of assumptions and norms around sexual topics, so reflecting on what you learned and think, gives you space to grow and evolve.

Especially in the United States, we learn a lot of bullshit around sex, from guilt, to myths, and shame. This baggage gets thrown at our partners and interferes with intimacy, if we don’t start unpacking it.

What don’t most men understand about sex?

Regarding sex with women, most men don’t understand that in the long run, many women need a lot of “priming the pump.”

This helps women get out of their heads and into their bodies to enjoy the pleasures and sensations of sex.

Many men want foreplay to be as simple as their partner grabbing their penis. Many women want the opposite of that – no touching of breasts or genitals until they are warmed up by having other areas touched.

This is a common mismatch in approaches I hear about in long-term relationships.

Priming the pump is also an emotional component, of feeling close to your partner, having deep conversation, and feeling stable. Sometimes priming the pump is a 24-hour awareness!

And what’s something most women don’t know?

If a man you’re with has some sort of “performance” concern in the bedroom, such as losing an erection, it almost never has to do with him not being attracted enough to you.

I hear over and over again how women perceive that to mean that their body isn’t good enough. That’s not the case!

Ironically, I’ve heard from some men that the MORE attracted they are the woman, and the more they care about impressing her and her liking them, the more likely they are to have problems getting or keeping in up. So it’s the opposite of what you’re assuming, ladies!

And it’s super important that you play it cool if this happens, so that you don’t create more anxiety around the situation, and increase the likelihood of it happening again.

You’ve claimed that sometimes women choose not to have orgasms during sex. Why on earth not?

Orgasms are complicated! Just ask any man who has developed performance anxiety.

It is a natural physiological process, but humans have so much mental and emotional meaning around sex, such as our need to please a partner, to feel loved, to feel competent, to feel worthy, to prove oneself, etc.

I think this is more about women choosing to hold back parts of themselves to protect themselves from becoming too attached to a man or situation that isn’t stable or a good emotional match.

Sex, orgasm, and the release of oxytocin can bond a woman to a man, before she’s mentally determined if it’s a good idea.

Surrendering and releasing to orgasm can feel very vulnerable to some women, so they may choose carefully who they feel “safe enough” to come with.

To finish, could you give us an anti-blurb of your book Am I Normal? A Woman’s Guide to Female Sexuality?

This is not a comprehensive guide to female anatomy, or an examination of how an orgasm is achieved.

It’s not a long book that will bore you with too much detail. It’s not a printed book, as it only exists in ebook format, although you can download the worksheets on their own to fill in.

What it does do is provide an overview of female sexuality and the concerns young women might have about whether they are normal in their sexuality, thoughts, body image, and anatomy.

We learn lots of negative things about our sexuality, so this workbook helps women reclaim and define their sexuality under their own terms.

Thanks to Dr Jenn for participating. For more advice, check out her and Diana Hoppe’s book: Am I Normal? A Woman’s Guide to Female Sexuality and her blog In the Den with Dr Jenn

What wasn’t the reason you became a hospice nurse?

I definitely didn’t decide to go into hospice nursing to get rich. At least, not in the monetary sense!

However, hospice patients and their family and friends have given me wealth in totally unexpected ways, the kind of wealth that cannot be spent and that never runs out.

How wouldn’t you describe your job?

Contrary to popular belief, hospice does not hasten death. As a hospice nurse, I simply do my best to make the dying process a less painful, less lonely experience for the patient and family and friends.

My job is not routine in any sense of the word. There is no such thing as a “routine” hospice patient. Every person’s life is unique, so is each death.

I never know what to expect when I meet a new patient: getting to know each new patient is like opening up a bright, shiny new package, full of all kinds of surprises and insights which only that person can bring to life.

I’ve never met anyone that I didn’t like, at least not after getting to know them. There are clinical aspects to my job, but my job isn’t primarily clinical; it’s as personal and as intimate as it gets!

A person who is in the process of dying opens up with stunningly brave honesty and wisdom. I’ve learned more from hospice patients than I’ve learned, collectively, in all of my life outside of that.

When don’t you feel like going to work?

Well, I’ve been out of work for a while with some major medical issues of my own. So, I’ll answer this from the perspective of when I was able to work.

It’s hard to think of a time when I didn’t feel like going to work, because no matter how lousy I might have been feeling, physically or emotionally, I found that spending time with people who were dying had a way of putting things into sharp and clear perspective for me.

I might have had an ache or a pain, or I might have been dealing with something emotionally difficult, but it was nothing compared to what my patients were dealing with. My patients reminded me that everything is relative.

It’s all a matter of perspective. My patients animate that old saying: “Walk a mile in my shoes.”

So, no matter how badly I might have been feeling at the beginning of the day, I always felt better and uplifted by the end of the day, because my patients had reminded me to put things into perspective, to focus on what I have, not on what I don’t have.

The same is true now, as I’m dealing with my own physical limitations: there is lots that I can do, with a few temporary limitations. “Temporary” is the key.

What sorts of people shouldn’t work in pallative care?

A person who wants to get rich shouldn’t go into palliative care. A person who needs to have control shouldn’t go into palliative care. A person who wants predictability shouldn’t go into palliative care. A person who is uncomfortable touching emotions shouldn’t go into palliative care.

What isn’t important to most dying people?

I’ve never heard any hospice patient say, “I should have worked more overtime, I should have spent less time with my family, I wish I’d made more money, I wish I’d worn more designer clothes, I should have gotten more degrees, I wish I’d been thinner, I wish I’d lived in a bigger house, I wish I’d gone to church more often.”

Probably the most frequent statement I have heard from hospice patients is, “I wish I’d spent more time with my family and friends.”

You know the bumper sticker that says something to the effect that whoever dies with the most toys, wins? Well, the hospice patients I’ve known would probably change that to something like: those who die, having loved and being loved, win.

Was there one patient in particular you won’t ever, ever forget?

Because every patient I’ve known has been so unique, I can’t think of one in particular that I’ll never forget— I remember so many, with so much affection and admiration and awe.

However, I will never forget the collective similarities of so many. In their process of dying, a majority have shared with me that they’ve seen people who’ve already died, and they have had conversations with them.

As death became imminent, not one single hospice patient has ever reported to me that they feared dying; quite the opposite, most have said they were ready, and that there were people there waiting to escort them on when the time came to die.

I’ve listened so often as patients recounted seeing colors that were indescribable, colors for which we have no words, but that are so brilliantly beautiful they were brought to tears.

I’ve heard there are musical tones that penetrate the being and that carry with them character. Both the colors and the music, I’ve been told, communicate.

And finally, I’ve been told that there is a light that is pure love, and when my patients have tried to describe this light, they cannot.

They tell me it is like going home, like the most amazing unconditional acceptance of all that is, that it conveys oneness and a complete connectedness of everything.

I never try to interpret what my hospice patients tell me, and I certainly don’t discount it. It is amazing to me that so many people, from all cultures and faiths and world views, tell me so much that is so similar at the end of life!

All of my patients have taught me a wealth of things. My patients have given me priceless gifts, far more abundant and precious than anything I ever could have given to them.

Because of my hospice patients, I live a fuller life, with not a single shred of fear of death.

To read more about Janet’s work in hospice care and other life experiences, check out her blog Thoughts to Mull